As per usual, I’ll be interpreting the theater’s thoughts about the audience via the trailers. The general impression I got this time around was “YOU! YOU ARE OLD!” Almost everything was either for kids or some sort of retro concept. Let's explore!
TV Trailers- For some reason we had trailers for television shows.
Thundercats
Okay, really? Who was asking for this? Who is this for? People who watched f*cking He-Man made fun of Thundercats. Why is it inexplicably now an anime? Though, I did giggle in the theater when someone yelled “SNARF” at the end.
Once Upon A Time
Now this isn’t exactly the promo I had. Ours had cast interviews, but it added nothing, so whatever. I don’t hate this concept. Really. It’s kind of interesting. But, it’d work way better as a made for TV movie or a proper film than a weekly television show. My immediate reaction was “We’re letting the people who make Sci Fi channel movies make TV shows now?” It really has more in common with Tin Man than the majority of the non-cable line up, so it just seems out of place. It’s a fairly interesting idea, but it will most assuredly tank.
Pan Am
Again, our version had cast interviews, but who cares. 1. Christina Ricci? What you doing here? 2. ABC desperately wishes it had Mad Men.
Movie Trailers
War Horse
My theater actually laughed out loud. Of all the trailers shown, this seemed like the one that it didn’t make sense to be paired with our film. Unless the 14 year old girls dressed as Bellatrix also happen to be Natalie Dee’s horse girl, I don’t think this is their film. The Youtube comments have informed me that this is also a book that I’ve never heard of, and of all things a stage show. I’m forced to assume it’s one of those Band of Brothers type books, and again, why preview that at Harry Potter?
Hugo
First, this has to be the least Scorsese-y film he possibly could make. Am I the only one that associates his films with gruesome murders? Ballsy move to immediately kill off the biggest name (Jude Law) in the picture, though. This is also apparently based on a book that I have never heard of. I’m at least vaguely interested in this one, even though it’s definitely a kids’ film, if only for the presence Sacha Baron Cohen, Ben Kingsley, and Hit Girl.
Arthur Christmas
As soon as he shouts “Christmas!”, I sighed audibly. And then, while looking up the trailer for this article I found out that that is goddamn James McAvoy! Mr. Tumnus?! What the hell buddy? You’re Professor X now! Have some dignity! Don’t let this be your Gnomeo and Juliet!
What? He was in that too?! What the hell man?
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
No trailer this summer has filled me with as much indifference as this one. I can’t even really make fun of it, because I just feel nothing, except my usual practical effects>CGI rant.
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
Hooray! Everyone’s favorite (surprisingly mainstream) homoerotic fanfiction is back! And we got rid of that chick from Mean Girls and replaced her with the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo! I’m pumped and I will be seeing this.
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